Ask Astrid is a monthly advice column focusing on the modern rules of engagement and aims to help individuals navigate social scenarios with respect and consideration.
It’s that time of year again. Holiday party season is in full swing. Love it or loathe it, ‘tis the season of long to-do lists and an overflowing social calendar. It’s joyful, it’s busy, it’s stressful…it’s the holidays.
There are often high expectations this time of the year and we are pulled in many different directions personally and professionally.
Here are some tips to remember as you navigate your holiday event calendar. At the very core, it’s all about thoughtfulness and kindness. It’s about enjoying the moment and making those around you feel comfortable.
The holidays are a fun time, but, they can also bring out difficult moments and feelings like rifts in families or missing loved ones. Above all else, be kind to each other. You don’t know what people are going through or who they’re desperately missing. This time of the year amplifies those tough emotions.
Personal Holiday Events
Holiday parties can be hard for extroverts and introverts alike. More people than you’d think get social anxiety before and during events, even some of the (seemingly) most confident people in the room. What do I wear? Will I know anyone? These are just some of the questions that run through your mind beforehand. Think about these tips before your next holiday party:
Don’t be a Grinch: It is both a dreaded and beloved time for people. The holidays may not be your thing (and that’s totally okay), but, if you’re at a holiday event, everyone doesn’t need to know that. Don’t drag the mood down.
What to bring: If it’s a really large party then you do not need to feel obligated to bring anything. If it’s a smaller gathering, then you should bring a gift for the host as a gesture of ‘thanks’.
“What do you do?”: Can we agree to ban this all-too-common North American question the second you meet someone? Asking someone what their job is right away comes across as transactional and that you’re evaluating their worth or potential benefit to you.
Instead of a meaningful conversation, it feels impersonal and uninspired. I guarantee you’ve already lost many peoples’ attention (including mine). A better option is to listen and react in the moment to what’s going on around you.
Greetings: Since the pandemic, greetings are far more complicated than before. Some people want to shake hands again while others despise it now. I can’t count the number of times I’ve overheard remarks like “oh so we are shaking hands again” or “oh I don’t shake hands anymore”. If someone extends a hand, don’t leave them hanging—and certainly don’t make a snide remark. I try to match what the other person wants versus making an assumption. Sometimes peoples’ hands are full, making it difficult to shake hands so be mindful of that, too.
Phones: Your phone is not actually an extension of your hand. Don’t be on it the whole time. If you are using your phone as a crutch because you’re nervous, I get it…but put it down anyway. I promise you will survive and actually have a better time.
Dress code: Is it sequins and sparkles, or more casual and relaxed? Hosts, make sure you include dress code guidance in your invitation for a holiday party as there is a wide range of options this time of the year. Guests: please do adhere to the requested dress code, whether it be ‘festive’ to ‘cocktail’ or ‘come as you are’ as your host has put a lot of time and effort into curating the evening.
Double trouble: If you have multiple events around the same time and will be leaving early or coming late, let the hosts know ahead of time so that they don’t think you’re bailing on them. Setting expectations helps avoid any possible misunderstandings.
Bringing a guest? Make sure they know the details in advance and put some effort into introducing them to people, especially if they don’t know others at the party. We all know what it’s like to not know anyone (or many people) at an event and how awkward it can be when you first arrive. Help them feel comfortable.
Work, Work, Work
You may be asking: “do I have to go to my work party?” The short answer is ‘yes’. You don’t need to be the last person standing, however, it’s important to go and connect with colleagues. Some things to consider so that you don’t become a Christmas casualty at the office:
Dress Accordingly: Follow the event dress code. In some offices, people get dressed up and change after work, and others not so much. Make sure that you know what you’re working with in advance so you can steer clear of an avoidable faux pas (especially if it’s your first one).
Expand beyond your team: It is a great opportunity to connect and talk to colleagues outside of your usual work circle. Use it.
Don’t be that person: Pace yourself if you are drinking, especially if there is a cocktail hour without food before dinner. I know this sounds simple, yet, we have all seen instances where the night gets away from someone quickly. You don’t want that reputation; it’s a hard one to live down and doesn’t set you up for success at the office. Don’t be the brunt of an office joke.
Don’t be a Gossip Girl (or Guy): Resist any urges to engage in office gossip, even if it’s happening around you. Do not descend into that rabbit hole. It will not serve you well.
Leave work at the door: Does finance owe you an answer to an email? Well, this is not the time to ask them. Enjoy your colleagues’ company without talking shop. That’s for the next work day. Don’t engage in office talk.
Don’t forget it’s work: While you are outside of the office walls for a fun time, you are still at work. It’s also not the time to complain about someone, the venue, or dinner selection. If you are in a leadership role, you help set the tone for the event from the very beginning.
A gift for your boss? Giving your boss a gift is completely unnecessary and may even put them in an awkward position. A card would be a thoughtful alternative and a nice gesture.
Most importantly, try to be in the moment and enjoy the season. Whether you’re at a work or personal event, the same sentiment applies: being respectful and making others feel comfortable is never out of style.
